Eu, a Patroa e as Crianças (2001)

1 - Fantasy Camp - Part 1

Michael cant focus on much else after learning that hell be going to sports legend Michael Jordans fantasy basketball camp in Las Vegas. Everyone shares his excitement – but for different reasons – and finds some reason as to why they should tag along. Once there, Michael learns that theres been a mix-up with the game schedule, so he resorts to some inventive ploys of his own to ensure he gets to play his idol.

1 - From Dummy to Daddy

After hearing the shocking news that their son Junior is going to become a father, Michael and Jay freak out. They try to talk with him and help him realize he cant support a family living in their garage and having no job, so Michael offers him a job at his firm. Due to Michaels teasing with the boy, he gets late for his first day and Michael fires him after his second tardiness. But seeing that his son needs all the help he can get, Michael gives him another chance. Meanwhile, Tony feels guilty about having spicy thoughts about Claire and Franklyn is still out for Juniors spot on the Kyle family.

1 - The Kyles Go to Hawaii, Part 1

The Kyles are leaving for their family vacation on Hawaii, but instead of taking only one flight straight to the island, Michael books a 43-hour flight to Hawaii with several layovers in order to save money. Plus, Michael chastises Janet for packing too many clothes.

1 - Mom's Away, Part 1

Michael contends with multiple problems, including a positive pregnancy test, a sad six-year-old and Jrs basketball troubles.

1 - Pilot

Michael and Jay are a loving and married couple who have three children: Junior, who wants to go to a concert to see MC Murder Death; Claire, who wants some privacy in her life; and little Kady, the cutest child in the house.

2 - Fantasy Camp - Part 2

Michael cant focus on much else after learning that hell be going to sports legend Michael Jordans fantasy basketball camp in Las Vegas. Everyone shares his excitement – but for different reasons – and finds some reason as to why they should tag along. Once there, Michael learns that theres been a mix-up with the game schedule, so he resorts to some inventive ploys of his own to ensure he gets to play his idol.

2 - The Sweet Hairafter

Michael meets his friend Jimmy at the golf club and is impressed with how much hair hes grown with the help of some miracle pills called Come Hair Now. As he starts to take them in overdose, weird stripes of hair rise from his chronically bald head. Hes jealous of his hair and wont let anyone touch it. He also starts to get paranoiac that Jay is trying to kill him after they make a life insurance, but turns out it was just one of the side effects of the pill. Meanwhile, Kady becomes very jealous of Claire when she volunteers to be on the big sister program.

2 - The Kyles Go to Hawaii, Part 2

Finally in Hawaii, Michael and Janet decide to go out on a romantic dinner, leaving their kids all alone. Claire and Jr. fight over wholl have to stay in the room babysitting for Kady, but Claire lets her brother get out of the duty, after all its not often he gets a date. Jr. has a memorable night on the beach with Leilani, a native girl. Michael and Janet are pursued by two attractive strangers; Claire goes on a shopping spree.

2 - Mom's Away, Part 2

Jay visits her mom while Michael starts telling Kady the story of her birth. Meanwhile Claires friend Charmaine is pregnant.

2 - The Truth Hurts

Michael suspects the family is less than truthful about certain matters. Junior gets some tattoos; Michael annoys Kady.

3 - Childcare Class

Michael fails a child-care course for grandparents, so Vanessa and Jr. refuse to let him baby-sit his grandchild.

3 - Jr. Executive

Michael wants Jr. to learn the family business by starting at the bottom, so he assigns Jr. to do menial jobs around Kyle Trucking. Jr., however, decides to use the fact that hes the boss son to his advantage and convinces other employees to do his work for him. Meanwhile, Claire arranges a secret date with a guy she met on the Internet in a Shakespeare chat room.

3 - The Kyles Go to Hawaii, Part 3

A mad scramble ensues when Michael finds out that the familys flight home from Hawaii leaves much earlier than he thought, but matters are complicated when a love-smitten Jr. insists on staying with his new love, Leilani. Meanwhile Kady refuses to leave without her beloved doll, Little Pippy, and Claire has to go to extremes to keep her parents from finding out about her exorbitant hotel charges.

3 - No Rules

Michael decides to let the kids live a rule-free life, but on the condition that they do everything for themselves; including cooking and paying for their own phone calls.

3 - Grassy Knoll

Jay is trying to get rid of some old clothes, so after Michael opposes to that she and him make a deal that everything that is not worn by the end of the week has to go. Meanwhile, Junior is trying to learn how to play the guitar and his friend convinces him to smoke pot. Kady gets angry at Claire for avoiding her.

4 - Class Reunion

Michael is reluctant to attend his high-school reunion until a former rival challenges him to a dance-off.

4 - Jay Goes to School

Jay decides to go to college and get her psychology degree, which Michael fully reprehends her for. He doesnt want her to put the household in second because it would jeopardize the entire family and eventually could ruin their marriage. After going to a real psychologist, Michael and Jay come to terms and she agrees to scale back her classes as he decides to let her pursue her dream. Meanwhile, Juniors friends turn his old crib into some sort of vehicle.

4 - Samba Story

Michael and Janet try to spice up their date nights by taking samba lessons, but their instructors arouse jealousy.

4 - Perfect Dad

Fed up with Michaels parenting style, the children confront their father with a description of the ideal dad.

4 - Of Breasts and Basketball

Michael doesnt take it well when he loses to his teenage son at basketball. Meanwhile, Claire thinks the best way to attract boys is to have bigger breasts, so she buys a padded bra, much to the dislike of Jay who punishes her for doing so.

5 - The Fellowship of the Baby

When an overwhelmed Jr. thinks he is not smart enough to take care of his own son, Michael tells Jr. that Jr., Jr. is a magic baby, and that every time he holds him, it will make Jr. smarter. The ploy works, but in the process Jr. becomes somewhat arrogant with his new-found knowledge, so Michael brings Franklin in so that the two geniuses can match wits. Meanwhile, Kady catches Claire sneaking back into her bedroom after hours and threatens to tell their parents, unless Claire does some favors for her.

5 - Meet the Parents

Vanessas parents come over the Kyles house to discuss the future babys situation. Michael is outraged with the demands from the Scotts, but Calvins size makes Michael think twice before taking any drastic measures. They take the Scotts out for dinner and are left with the bill. Realizing they have a couple of con artists on their hands, Michael and Jay stand up for themselves and set the babys true needs – which dont include a new house for the Scotts as Calvin wanted.

5 - Diary of a Mad Teen

While making Claires bed, Jay finds her diary hidden under the mattress. She cant resist the temptation of reading it and learns that her daughter is thinking about becoming sexually active. Michael is scheduled for an appointment with the eye doctor even though he insists theres nothing wrong with his sight; he asks Junior to drive and Michael reprimands him for his poor driving skills.

5 - Thru Thick and Thin

When Jay returns, Michael remains silent about her obvious weight gain. The episode builds to a dream sequence, in which Janet has a nightmare and the entire family is morbidly obese after Michael decides to grow big with her.

5 - Making the Grade

Junior fakes an A in algebra while his family, not fooled by the charade, fakes a celebration. Meanwhile, Claire blackmails Junior because she had caught him red-handed forging his report card.

6 - Poker Face

Michael advises Jr. that its ok to spend some time away from Vanessa and the baby, but his advice misfires when Jr. invites Jay along to their all-male poker game. Michael decides, in turn, to crash Jays all-female book club, where theyre discussing the latest book by Angeline Boudreaux.

6 - He's Having a Baby

Worried about Juniors fathering skills, Michael decides to enroll him in a parenting course. Junior is reluctant to attend, so Michael gives him a water balloon that Junior should keep for a week as if it was the baby. If it breaks, hell have to attend the course. Michael doesnt let Junior have it easy, and Junior insists that more than wanting to teach him how to be a good parent, Michael doesnt have any trust in him.

6 - Claire's New Boyfriend

Claire drops Tony for zip-code boy 1040-EZ, because her father displayed a liking for Tony.Jr. draws his mothers portrait.

6 - Michael's Garden

Michael has problems in the bathroom and needs to have a colonoscopy; he has a dream that his doctor is singer Lou Rawls. Lou Rawls guest stars in an episode that takes a lighthearted but informative look at a serious problem: colon cancer. Its especially acute among African-Americans over 40 - and guess whos 40?

6 - Working It

Michael hires an attractive girl to tutor Junior in math and later regrets his actions. Also, Jay doesnt like the direction her relationship is going with Claire, who is turning into a typical teenager.

7 - The Proposal

Jr. is finally ready to propose to Vanessa, but every time he tries to do so, something interrupts him, including Michael and Jay -- who are preparing to compete against each other in a karaoke competition.

7 - The Funeral

The Kyles are willing to support Michaels inconsolable employee, Larry, who cant get over losing his 103-year-old grandmother. But Larry goes overboard when, at the funeral, he asks little Kady to kiss his Grammy goodbye and for Jay to sing his beloved grandmothers favorite R&B song.

7 - Crouching Mother, Hidden Father

Jay volunteered to be the director for Kadys kindergarten class play, but due to illness she is forced to step away from the production, leaving Michael to fill the void; he allows the kids to do whatever they want.

7 - He Heard, She Heard

Michael looks to teach Claire a lesson after she sneaks out of the house and uses Kady as an accomplice.

7 - Snapping and Sniffing

Jr. is having problems at school with a bully, so Michael and Jay invite his parents over to discover some of the kids weak points. Jr. teases the kid back and Claire punches him in the nose making Jr. feel humiliated. Meanwhile, Michael tells Jay she is not around enough, and she starts to realize that when she misses Kadys first tooth and her new smell the cushions thing.

8 - Restaurant Wars

At first, Michael is skeptical that Jay can be successful at opening her own soul food restaurant. But his competitive and supportive sides emerge when the Hoos, the owners of the Chinese restaurant across the street, use sneaky tactics to put Jays Soooooouuuul Kitchen out of business.

8 - Ultrasound

When Jay works hard to get in shape and run a marathon, Michael thinks that, since hes a man, he too can run the marathon - without any real training. Meanwhile, bible-quoting Tony asks the gorgeous Claire to dress ugly so he wont feel so turned on.

8 - The Fighting Kyles

Sick and tired of listening to their kids fights, Michael and Janet act like they are fighting themselves so Jr. and Claire can see how annoying it is and quit it.

8 - Let Them Eat Pie

Claire, playing a dare game with Jr. and Kady, eats Michaels piece of pie. Michaels punishment: Let them eat pie (and only pie). Meanwhile, Michael offers to be the dieting Jays chubby buddy: Hell eat the same lo-cal food she does. Of course, he doesnt tell her that he plans to cheat.

8 - He Said, She Said

When Jay asks Michael to spend less time watching TV and more time with the family, they both learn that their biggest problem is communication.

9 - The Return of Bobby Shaw

Micheals enemy, Bobby Shaw tricks Jr. into signing a contract making Jr. his slave. When Micheal tries to get him out of the contract,they end up in a dance off.

9 - Marathon

The Kyles and Vanessas parents escort her to her first ultrasound. When asked if they wanted to know the babys sex, Michael is the only one who stands out with a positive answer. Obsessed with knowing whether hes having a grandson or a granddaughter, he tries by all means to have the doctor tell him. He finally assumes its a boy, and tells Jay and eventually the rest of the family. But in the end the situation reverses as they all confirm with the doctor the real sex of the future Kyle and leave Michael out in the rain. Meanwhile, Franklyn freaks out with the idea of losing Kady to Smilin Willie and tries to learn how to be a dance master.

9 - Sister Story

Michaels sister Kelly is coming over for the weekend, which freaks Jay out because every time Kelly comes over she overstays her welcome and always gets on Jays nerves. This time is no different and it sparks a rivalry.

9 - Jay Gets Fired

Jays in for a surprise when she takes Claire and Kady to her office on Take Your Daughters to Work Day: She gets fired. After a bad business decision costs Jay her job and her self-esteem, she becomes a homemaker.

9 - Breaking Up and Breaking It

Michael tries to get Claire away from her new boyfriend by befriending him, but things get touchy when she dumps him. Jr. overdoes it in the bathroom.

10 - The Wedding

Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to get married in two weeks, Vanessa having told Jr. that she wants a small, simple wedding. Michael and Jay offer to help plan it, but instead of something simple and sweet, they plan an elaborate and expensive ceremony that includes dolphins, a castle and 751 guests. Frustrated, Vanessa tells Jr. he needs to regain control of things, forcing him to decide whether he should stand up to Michael.

10 - While Out

Much to Claires delight, Michael and Jay forget to recite their house rules — No friends, no fires, no freedom, no fun — before going out for the night. As a result, Claire decides to throw a party so she can get in with the so-called right crowd. Things get raucous when someone spikes the punch and a drunken Tony fulfills a fantasy and streaks down the street naked.

10 - Jr's Dating Dilemma

Michaels advice about women backfires when Jr. ends up with two dates to a dance. Plus, Jay dreams Michael is having an affair with Janet Jackson.

10 - The Whole World is Watching

Michael and Janets romantic overtures are seen on the Internet after Jr. gets new computer equipment that includes a 24-hour web cam.

10 - A Little Romance

Michaels promiscuous brother Ken (Keenen Ivory Wayans) comes to visit with his attractive new girlfriend, Tiara, who contrasts with the way Michael has just realized Jay appears.

11 - Careful What You Wish For

When Jay wishes that Michael would give her the kind of romantic attention that she sees newlywed Vanessa getting from Jr., Michael decides to kill Jay with kindness so he can get back to watching TV and ignoring her. Meanwhile, Franklin tells Kady that he thinks hes too short and goes to great lengths to appear otherwise.

11 - Michael's Band

When Michaels old friend and former bandmate, Johnny Saxophone Watson, comes to town for a gig, it turns out Johnnys piano player cant make it. Michael eagerly accepts an invitation to take the mans place, but refuses to admit that his musical skills have gotten rusty. Meanwhile, love is blind when it comes to Franklin realizing that his little sister, Aretha, is a much better singer than the tone-deaf Kady.

11 - Jay the Artist

Feeling that she has no space and time of her own due to home duties, Jay decides to paint. The result is a portrait of Michael based on Michelangelos David, which makes Michael feel a little bit diminished. Michael renews acquaintances with his old buddy Steve, while the kids are encouraged to develop their artistic abilities aswell. Claire designs clothes, Kady plays the piano and Junior writes some bizarre poetry

11 - Letting Go

Kady has acquired a hamster and Claire has a crush on a boy named Tony. Both developments pose parental challenges for Michael and Jay. The hamster dies. And Michael wishes Claires new beau would follow suit.

11 - Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Michaels accountant dies suddenly, making him take a whole new perspective about his life. He buys a wig (or a hairpiece as he likes to call it) and starts to demonstrate his love for his family in a weird way. He even buys a motorcycle and an RV, in a misguided effort to live life to its fullest.

12 - They Call Me El Foosay

When Vanessa innocently buys Jr. a foosball game, Jr. discovers his competitive nature and becomes obnoxious when he wins. When Michael challenges Jr. and wins, he initially wants to teach his son a lesson about being a good winner. But then when Michael continues to win, his fatherly lesson goes out the window and instead he becomes obsessed with playing foosball. Desperate, the Kyles have to come up with a plan to break the games hold on Michael.

12 - The Lady is Not a Tramp

Michaels imagination takes off when he finds a package of condoms in daughter Claires backpack — the same day her boyfriend, Tony, is returning from a month in the desert. Annoyed that her father is jumping to conclusions, Claire decides to give him a taste of his own unique brand of discipline. Meanwhile Jr. accidentally gives Kady his pet dogs medicine — and Kady pretends to turn into a dog.

12 - Chair Man of the Board

Michaels old friend Tommy is coming over and Michael is very excited because he and Tommy used to compete for everything. But his excitement soon turns into awkwardness when Tommy shows in on a wheelchair and Michael doesnt know how to act with the situation. Tommy decides to take advantage of that until they have a talk in which Tommy asks Michael to treat him like he used to, because despite the wheelchair hes the same guy that used to race Michael for anything. Meanwhile, Claire is caught shoplifting and gets grounded for it. When she confronts Kady about who put the nail polishers on her purse she feels so guilty she confesses to their parents that Claire didnt do it. The punishment? She will no longer be treated like a baby.

12 - Learning to Earn It

Michael is thrilled when the children start their own businesses after squandering their allowances in one day.

13 - Study Buddy

Michael feels neglected because Jay is spending all of her time studying for her psychology final. He decides to tutor her, but his efforts cause her to fail. To make it up to her, he tries to bribe her professor to let her re-take the test. Meanwhile, when Kady thinks Franklin prefers her smart friend over her, she tries to act more brainy.

13 - Of Mice and Man

When Jay finds mouse droppings, she demands that Michael hire an exterminator to get rid of them, but, as usual, Michael is determined to handle it himself. Meanwhile, Claire is also freaked out by a rodent when she accidentally runs over a squirrel while driving home.

13 - Open Your Heart

Jay decides to attend a Open Your Heart seminar for struggling couples, even though she and Michael are happier than ever. Her excuse is prevention, but Michael warns her not to try fixing something that isnt broken. At the seminar, they are teased against each other and stop talking to one another. It takes Kady suffering an accident at school for them to realize how important communication between them really is. Meanwhile, Michael wants his children to learn the value of money and tells Jr. to start his own business selling monkeyfish like he. Jr., instead of the monkeyfish, decides to get 100% refunds on the clothes Claire buys with a 40% discount at the store shes working. When Jr. gets caught, Claire gets fired and Michael punishes him by making he wear the clothes he wanted refund.

13 - Quality Time

Marriage counselors back Michaels belief that hes entitled to some time alone after spending time with Janet, much to her dismay.

14 - Sweetheart's Day

When Jay insists that Michael buy her a present for Sweethearts Day, a reluctant Michael comes up with a scheme to base the price of Jays gift on her attitude towards him at a particular moment. He shares his plan with Jr., Tony and Franklin, hoping that they will follow the lead, but the only lead is straight to trouble.

14 - Moving on Out

Tired of living in the garage, Jr. looks for an apartment and enlists his buddy, John, to be a co-signer… except that John has to dress up and pose as Jr.s grandmother for the realtor. When Jr. and Vanessas families come to visit the couples new apartment, Jay is shocked to find that her new grandchild might be living in a run-down building with yellow police tape around the entrance.

14 - Michael's Tribe

Michael (aka: Chief Bald Eagle) is recruited to camp out with Kady and her friends and teach them Native American lore. Meanwhile, Clare and the new Tony plan to stay out all night themselves: theyre plotting to sneak out to a rave.

14 - Get Out

Chaos erupts when Michael tries to get his always-tardy family dressed and out the door to a wedding within just 15 minutes.

15 - Silence is Golden

Michael reluctantly accompanies Jay on a meditation weekend, where he has trouble following the rule of silence.

15 - Candy Wars

When Kady wants to spend some quality time with her father, she enlists Michaels help in the school candy drive. But when the father of last years winner claims he can prevail once again, a competitive Michael loses sight of helping Kady and commits to selling an exorbitant number of chocolate bars.

15 - Blackout

Michael wants some time alone in the house and makes a deal with Jay for her and the kids to get out of the house. But of course it doesnt come as easy as he hoped. He has to pay for Claire to agree on going to the mall and is forced to watch The Little Mermaid with Kady for the hundredth time. He switches the movie to Gremlins, which scares the death out of the poor girl, and when the power goes off Claire freaks out about losing her entire work on the computer. In the end, the power failure ends up bringing the Kyles closer together.

15 - Road Trip

The family goes on an unpleasant road trip to Paul Reveres house, to find it closed.

16 - The Bahamas - Part 1

When the Kyles arrive at the Atlantis, Paradise Island resort in the Bahamas for their family vacation, Michael announces that all he wants to do is get some rest and relaxation-by himself. But no sooner does he settle into his lounge chair for some peace and quiet than his talkative and annoying golf buddy, Jimmy (David Alan Grier), shows up and insists that they spend time together. Michael is relieved to find a way out when Jay invites him to the isolated Magic Island so they can have some romantic fun. As their day winds down and its time to leave, the boat never shows up to take them back and the couple find themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere.

16 - Jr. Sells His Car

Jr. restores his prized 1964 Impala, but then he and Vanessa surprise everyone when they decide to sell it in order to have money for their new baby. Meanwhile, Franklin seeks advice from Michael on how to act more like a normal kid.

16 - Man of the Year

Jay nominates Michael for the Small Businessman of the Year award and he assumes hes going to win it (especially after a golfing buddy on the organizations board tells him: If my vote were the only one that counted, youd be a shoo-in). Meanwhile, Claire helps herself to items from Jays makeup bag once too often.

16 - Table for Too Many, Part 1

Michael, who dislikes going out to dinner because its always an overpriced ordeal, allows Janet to convince him to take the family to a Japanese restaurant.

17 - The Bahamas - Part 2

While at the Atlantis, Paradise Island resort in the Bahamas for a family vacation, lovebirds Michael and Jay find themselves stranded on the isolated Magic Island - along with a rapidly rising tide -- and the only other person there who can help them is Michaels talkative and annoying golf buddy, Jimmy (David Alan Grier) -- who refuses to do so since they werent willing to spend time with him when they had the chance. Meanwhile, Jr. leaves Vanessa and the baby behind so he can enjoy the resorts activities; Tony and Claire hang out at the beach bar and she realizes too late that her island drink contains alcohol; and Kady and Franklin run into his nemesis, Francesco Mumfordi, who has stolen one of Franklins theories.

17 - The Anniversary Present

Michael and Jay try to hide their disappointment when they dont receive the wedding anniversary gifts each are expecting from each other. Meanwhile, with Franklins help, novice cook Claire hopes to prepare a gourmet dinner for her parents anniversary present.

17 - Jr's Risky Business - Part 1

As a very impressed Michael sees it, his sons girlfriend, Vanessa is an absolute prize: Shes beautiful, smart, personable and polite... you guys have nothing in common, he tells Jr. But theres something about her that rubs Jay the wrong way. Elsewhere in the courtship department, Kadys similarly smart and personable gentleman caller is a budding piano prodigy named Franklin. As for Claire, all shes courting is a severe case of nerves: the PSATs are coming up and her face has broken out in hives.

17 - Table for Too Many, Part 2

The family goes out to eat at a Japanese restaurant. Once there, the Kyles must share a table with an incredibly annoying family, the Tylers. Michael feels like hes being ripped off at every turn; things get out of control between the two families and even the restaurant employees. The two families have been enemies ever since.

18 - The Remodel

Realizing that the garage is no longer a suitable living situation for Jr., Vanessa and the baby, Jay insists that Michael have it remodeled. When the contractor bids are too expensive for his taste, Michael decides to take on the job himself, with Jr.s help. But when they get in over their heads, Franklin -- who happens to be a certified contractor - has to come to their rescue.

18 - Illegal Smile

The day after an anti-wrinkle injection goes awry for Michael and he ends up with an unnatural expression, he has to fight a traffic ticket in court. The judge is angered by his frozen grin and sentences him to a night in jail, where Michaels cell mate, Big Guy, thinks Michael is coming on to him since he keeps smiling at him.

18 - Jr's Risky Business - Part 2

After walking in on Jr. and his girlfriend having sex on his bed, Michael decides that he and Junior can no longer live under the same roof and throws his son out. Feeling sympathetic for her baby, Jay opposes to Michaels attitude, but at the same time agrees the boy needs a severe punishment. She had Jr. stay on a tent in the backyard until she can cool things down with Michael, who only realizes he might be estranging his son for good after Vanessa has a woman-to-woman talk with Jay. Michael lets Jr. move back, remembering that he once was in the same position as Jr.

18 - Double Date

Michael agrees to let Claire go on her first date with Tony, but only on condition that it is a double date with Janet and himself.

19 - Michael Joins a Gym

The same day Michael realizes he cant fit into his favorite pair of vintage jeans, he runs into an old high school friend, the muscular Daryl (Terry Crews), who doesnt look any older than when Michael last saw him. He enlists Darryls help to get him back into shape and, in the process, becomes obsessed with looking fit and buff. Meanwhile, Franklin fails his first test and fears that Kady will no longer accept him.

19 - Outbreak Monkey

When an ecstatic Michael scores a ticket to see basketball star LeBron James play at Madison Square Garden, his excitement quickly turns to paranoia when, just days before the game, everyone in the Kyle household – except Michael – comes down with the flu. To ensure that he wont miss the game, he goes to absurd extremes to keep from getting sick, including spraying disinfectant on his family and using a ten-foot grabber to hand Jay her orange juice.

19 - Jury Duty

Michael and Jay are asked to serve jury duty together. Michaels elected foreman and wants to move on the trial quickly so he can get home to watch the Godfather marathon on TV. But Jay wont vote in guilty because she thinks there has to be a debate first. Thanks to that, Michael ends up missing the marathon, and has to rent the videos to catch up with the movie. At the video store, he meets an insurance salesman whom he mistakes for a mobster, and is convinced that the mob is after him due to the case. The case ends up being dismissed before they can vote, and Jay is disappointed that Michael wouldnt back her up but has her revenge when Michael acts like a fool.

19 - Failure to Communicate

A huge argument arises when Michaels mother and father, who have not spoken to each other in years, visit the Kyle household.

20 - Celibacy

When Jay tells Michael that their love life will be even better if they are celibate for six months, Michael is willing to abide by her wishes, although reluctantly. Meanwhile, Franklin and Kady plant some seeds in the ground to symbolize their growing love for each other, but the seeds grow into an ingredient for a love potion that Jay uses to spice up her romantic dinner for Michael.

20 - Empty Nest - Part 1

During a rare occasion when Michael and Jay have the house to themselves, they find themselves reminiscing about the fun times theyve had with their kids and various friends. Some of these memorable moments include Jays obsession with her weight and Michaels visit to a proctologist.

20 - Here Come Da Judge

When Jr and Claire find a lost wallet containing $500, its time for a session of family court to decide who gets the money. Meanwhile, Claires boyfriend Tony induces her to become a vegetarian.

20 - Papa Said Knock You Out

Junior asks his dad to teach him how to box so he can protect his sisters honor; Junior knocks out his dad in boxing on a lucky shot.

21 - Jr.'s Cartoon

When Jr. wins a national competition for his cartoon entitled My Wife and Kid -- based on himself, Vanessa, the baby and the rest of the Kyle family -- it catches the attention of ABC. Michael becomes Jr.s agent, but the meeting with the television executives goes badly, crushing Jr.s dream opportunity, so now Michael has to find a way to rectify the situation. Meanwhile, Claire threatens to break up with Tony unless he can bring some umph into their relationship.

21 - Empty Nest - Part 2

During a rare occasion when Michael and Jay have the house to themselves, they find themselves reminiscing about the fun times theyve had with their kids and various friends. Some of these memorable moments include Jays obsession with her weight and Michaels visit to a proctologist.

21 - Claire's Permit

Claire has taken her driving permit, but Michael wont lend her the car because he doesnt think she can drive very well. Nevertheless, Claire steals the car keys thinking if she goes out really quick while her parents are gone they will never notice. Unfortunately, she drives by them on her way to meet her friends, and Michael decides to teach her a lesson on the Michael Kyle style: stealing the car and making Clare feel guilty about it. She goes to Junior for help, and they call the police reporting the stolen car. Michael ends up in jail due to the mixup, but he and Clare end up getting along after everything is cleared up.

21 - Return of the Wall

Competitive Janet and easygoing Michael use contrasting methods to coach Kadys soccer team. Michael takes over the coaching of Jays girls soccer team only to find his opponents are Jays new team.

22 - Michael's Sandwich

Michael tries to leave for a golfing trip with a friend, but the family keeps distracting him.

22 - Calvin Comes to Stay

Calvin, Vanessas gregarious father, has an argument with his wife, Jasmine, gets kicked out of the house and moves in with the Kyles, against their wishes. When he starts eating everything in sight and keeps everyone awake with his loud snoring, a frustrated Michael comes up with a clever plan to get Calvin back home.

22 - Sharon's Picture

Jay gets mad at Michael after finding a photo of an attractive former girlfriend among his things. Franklin has trouble admitting that his little sister Aretha is an outstanding singer.

22 - Working Relationship

Jay badgers Michael into giving her a job, where she soon begins to get ideas above her station. Michael discovers that Janets personality is not a good fit for his office, and Kady reenacts a memorable scene from `E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial.

23 - Graduation Day

Jay is ready to graduate from college, but a series of events ruin her appearance.

23 - Calvin Goes to Work

When the overwhelmingly strong and gregarious Calvin, Vanessas dad, begs Michael to give him a job at Kyle Trucking, Michael does so reluctantly and his worst fears are realized. Calvins way of dealing with customers and merchandise leaves a little to be desired, and now Michael must find a way to get rid of the man without getting himself hurt in the process. Meanwhile, Claire gets Franklin to help her with her science paper.

23 - Tee for Too Many

Jay decides to spend more quality time with Michael - by watching him play golf. Meanwhile, Jr., who only wants to go to college because Vanessas going, asks Franklin for help with the application essay.

23 - Jr. Kyle, Boy Genius

Janet and Michael are astounded when their often dim-witted son shines on an IQ test, ranking him as a genius. Junior thinks he got a 1600/1600 on his SATs but gets it confused with a girl named Michelle Kyle. Junior got a 200/1600, even though you get 300 for spelling your name right.

24 - Michael Sells the Business

Michael sells his trucking business to spend more time with Jay and Junior Junior.

24 - Romantic Night

Wanting to spend quiet time together, Michael plans a romantic evening with Jay at an exclusive hotel. Then, when Jr. mistakenly cancels the reservation, Michael tries to create a romantic night at home. But things take a disastrous turn when Michael hurts his head trying to shut off the water valve, Jay handcuffs them to each other – but cant find the key – and a burnt roast almost causes the house to burn down.

24 - The Big Bang Theory

Michael and Jay panic when Claire reveals that she and Tony have decided to have sex. Her parents try by all means to change their minds and stop them, unsuccessfully. When the day and time comes, their find out Claire has sneaked out of the house and panic. Claire and Tony show up a few minutes later, and just when Michael is ready to kill him, Tony reveals that they didnt do anything. Just when they were about to do it, he opened the drawer on the hotel rooms nightstand and found a bible, which he took as a sign from God. But he doesnt have to know that every hotel has a bible.

24 - Back Story

When the kids tease him about getting old, Michael pretends to have hurt his back in a game of Twister so they will have to cater to his every whim.

25 - R.V. Dreams

Michael buys an R.V. and the family heads to the Grand Canyon for a vacation.

25 - The Director

In his excitement to tape a basketball game, Michael accidentally records over a home video of Kadys first steps, which happens to be one of Jays most cherished family moments. When Jay decides to have a family home movie night, Michael must act quickly and enlists Franklins help to reenact that moment of Kyle family history.

25 - Not So Hostile Takeover

Claire comes home with the exciting news that she was invited to senior prom. Jay is excited about it and volunteers to chaperone at the dance, in order to keep Claire safe from her date, a senior quarterback. But Jays exaggerated excitement makes Claire feel uncomfortable, especially when her parents are crowned queen and king of the prom. Michael tells Claire that she shouldnt be upset about it because Jay never attended her own prom as she was giving birth to Junior that night, and so Claire lets her mom enjoy her moment. Meanwhile, Junior falls into another one of Michaels plans once he tries to teach the kid a lesson about money management and ends up turning his car the exact opposite of Juniors plans.

25 - Make Over

Jay gets a makeover after being compared to an old flame from high school. Meanwhile, Junior gets himself locked in a girls locker after a misfortunate attempt to steal her bra.

26 - The "V" Story

Jay asks Michael to get a vasectomy, but he says no. Eventually he tells Jay that he will go through with it, but then backs out at the last second. Jay says that she will instead get a hysterectomy. After she comes out of the clinic, Michael tells her that he will get the vasectomy, but she then reveals that she is pregnant.

26 - The Maid

While Jay is away at a seminar, Michael hires a maid, Mrs. Hopkins, to look after the family. Mrs. Hopkins fulfills their every need and want to a sweet perfection, including homemade ice cream, an immaculately clean house and handmade outfits for Claire. When Jay comes home, she appreciates Mrs. Hopkins attention to every detail, but begins to feel that perhaps she has taken over just a bit too much.

26 - Graduation - Part 1

Jr.s graduation is coming up, and he breaks the news to his family that he wants to go to college. At first shocked, Michael decides to help him make a good interview, but his anxiety and lack of good sense makes him look like a complete moron. He even tries to bride the interviewer, when hes finally asked to leave Jr. alone. The kid does reasonably good. A few days later a letter arrives at the Kyles, saying that Jr. got accepted but has to take summer school classes. Meanwhile, Clare wears a blond wig to call her parents attention, thinking she has been forgotten now that Jr. is on the spot. And Franklin applies to the soon available son spot on the Kyle family.

26 - The Bowling Show

The Kyles face the Tylers in a game of bowling during Star Trek night. The Tylers daughter tries to charm Junior into throwing the ball and not caring; Junior develops a crush on her.

27 - Hand Model

In a twist of fate, Michael is recruited as a hand model during Claires modeling audition. As he flaunts his newfound fame, he is careful to protect the familys new financial asset – his hands. Meanwhile Franklin feels threatened by Kadys friendship with Rachel, so, on Jr.s advice, he takes matters into his own hands.

27 - Graduation - Part 2

Junior finally graduates, and his parents give him a trip to Japan as a gift – and as a way to separate Junior and Vanessa, who are planning on moving in together and getting married as soon as they start college. Both Kady and Clare admit their sadness on Junior leaving, and Michael and Jay feel proud of having raised a semi-successful child. They go out to relive some of their memories and when they come back late at night they find Junior and Vanessa sitting in the kitchen. Hes decided not to go to Japan anymore. Vanessa is pregnant.

27 - Jr. Gets His License

Michael is stopped by a cop while giving Junior a driving lesson and it seems that Michaels license has expired. So father and son must both take driving tests. Junior gets his license and buys an old clunker instead of what Michael chooses for him.

28 - What Do You Know?

The family plays a game which shows them exactly how much they know about each other.

28 - Anniversary, Part 1

Michael and Janets 15th anniversary is approaching. Jays friend Wanda brings her Brian McKnights tickets (a concert Jay was really looking forward to see), but unfortunately she has to turn it down because its on the same night as their anniversary.

29 - The Baby - Part 1

Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to have the baby at home with the help of Summer Breeze, a midwife whose natural childbirth methods include the whole familys participation.

29 - Anniversary, Part 2

The anniversary day finally comes and Michael goes out to play golf, leaving Jay devastated at home. Later, she goes out for drinks with her girlfriend Wanda, who insists Jay should confront Michael. Michael pulls off a lavish ceremony for the renewal of their vows. Guest stars Brian McKnight.

30 - The Baby - Part 2

Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to have the baby at home with the help of Summer Breeze, a midwife whose natural childbirth methods include the whole familys participation.